American Beauty is more about life, or its brevity
I have been thinking about American beauty. How fleeting life is. An innocent man just dies, in an instant of confusion?
Life is fleeting. but we forget all the time. I wrote about this recently, where I was reflecting on the fact that if we remember that life is short, we get a clearer picture. We get a zoomed out vision.
When I think of this, I’m frequently thinking of things we want to do and don’t end up doing. Some of us are very avid planners, and I used to be one. But somehow I am not one anymore. This streak I lost somewhere. And I don’t care much about it now. Good or bad? I don’t know. Just past my head now.
I used to write down goals and stuff, big things and repeat things I wanted to do, like the self help books suggest. No more, I tell you. You have to know it in your mind. When you really like or want something , you don’t have to write it somewhere and read it everyday to remind yourself of it. Its always always on your mind. Or at the back of it. There’s no issue of reinforcing it. Maybe reinforcing makes some people more confident that they can achieve what they want to. But its mostly about believing that you really want something, and make your best try. And if that doesn’t work, move on. Do something else. Nothing is so valuable in this life to be worthy of taking all our time. There are too many good things in this world. And too short a life to live through all of it. Lets make the best of it.
American beauty is about the life of a man who decides to take control of it at a point. And when he’s just moving towards a peak, he’s killed from behind. He dies, but realizes how beautiful life is. Or think of American History X. The guy is killed, and realizes suddenly that there was no reason for hating. No time for it. Life’s too short for it.
Yet another thing comes to mind. How often do we give up when we are very very close to the goal. So close, soooooooo. Yet we have allowed the fatigue to overcome us. So close yet so far. And equally interesting, how often do we allow ourself to be in a delusion of being close to success, when its just not for us. We think we’ll win, but we should have left the effort and tried it elsewhere. Contradicting ideas, aren’t they? Holding on, and giving up. Persisting, and being flexible. Yeah, thats life.
I have issues with working out a routine and following it. Never works for me. Too routine 
Too predictable. Where is the candid moment? I like doing things on the fly.
So let me immediately sleep, and persist with writing tomorrow 
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if we keep on exploring the various things that are there in life…. all the variety …all the time.. what are we then.. does it really make sense to be mere travellers in life? does ti make sense to have an identity and a conscious role.. at some stage in life? and then what connects the variety is it life alone or something else?
and dont we concert our efforts in one direction despite exploring variety even when we are out to explore the variety.. so are we really non routinzed or are we into a routine of non-routinization… the issue is not of confusing and mere words.. the issue might be of drawing a balance by learnign to be ambidextrous as we all are.. and being one way in some things and the other way in other things and then balancing the situations in life. .. maybe.. who knows.. i dont even know how to realise that a goal has been attained.. how do i relaly know that i am close to the goal? or is it mere perception…