Competition
I don’t like competition. I have never been a big time competitor, and I have never enjoyed competing against others.
Inspiration is different. I was doing my usual hike on the Mission peak this morning and realized that I forgot to take my heart rate monitor or water. And I was thinking if I was overtaking enough people this morning. As I’ve said before, overtaking someone on an incline is a lot more fun than kissing a hot girl at a decline 
. But then I started stopping around and taking pictures with my new cool camera 
.
Well, I digress. The point is, when I’m inspired by something, which has happened a couple of times in my life, I have needed no competition or motivation. The inspiration itself is enough. Running well is an inspiration. Its enjoyable on the whole, though at times its painful. Thats what I should be focusing on, rather than worrying too much about how many old women I overtook.
Lemme flashback a bit. And forgive me for my overly academic obsessions. I used to be in a middle school where we usually had teachers come in for maybe 3 or 4 of the 7 periods everyday. They were not the best teachers in the country, but I realize now how utterly sincere they were and how hard they tried. Finishing the syllabus was never a priority. Making something understand was. But I was restless, seeking more. And so when I took the sainik school entrance, I cried on the bus on the way back. Crying is very unusual with me, because I usually just grit my teeth and decide to teach the difficulty a lesson. But this time I had worked really hard. Waking up at 4 am instead of 8 and studying before and after school. I had invested my life into it for a month, and I just couldn’t believe how badly I had done. I was passionate. I was obsessed. And I couldn’t accept I had failed.
Well it turned out differently. I was placed third, so I got in . Nice surprise. I cannot forget the feeling of accomplishment after I heard the news. I had tried really hard, thats why I loved it. I wouldn’t have enjoyed the success so much if I hadn’t been so inspired.
I took the JEE later in life. Actually getting into IIT wasn’t really so exciting, because I wanted to study astrophysics. Engineering held no charm for me. The exam did. The idea of clearing a really hard exam was just so inspiring. I had a lot of issues living in Delhi and getting sick almost every month from the unhygenic conditions, compared to the clean fresh environment I was used to. But in the last 4 months, I cranked up my gear and worked between 11-14 hours every single day. Essentially, I was studying throughout the day, like crazy. In the summer 45 celcius heat. I never regretted it. I never had second thoughts. I was inspired.
I had also concluded that 14 hours of work a day was my limit. I could somehow never push it to 15. And then I went to MIT, where I sometimes had 36 hours of nonstop work. Sitting on the same position on my bed programming and reprogramming over and over until it finally worked. I realized that the limits of humans are truly set only by their imagination. We’re far more capable than we ever think.
Coming back to the topic, I don’t think I needed motivation for any of these. Motivation is like saying: do this, so you can get that. Or, your life is wasted, if you don’t do this or that. I guess one needs motivation when one is trying to do something s/he isn’t really passionate about. Since it feels like a chore, you try to “motivate” yourself from time to time so that your productivity is acceptable and you feel ok. You’ll never feel the exhilaration of doing something awesome and exciting that way though. One has to follow the passionate path for that.
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